For this week’s Thursday Quotables, I decided that I would use humour as the theme, as I love books that have funny (sarcastic usually, but just plain humour is good too) characters, or just lines that make me laugh. Sometimes I find that when a book is particularly heavy, it’s nice to have a bit of humour there to break the tension, and plus I love a good laugh. I will definitely have more than five of these, there are so many funny quotes from books that I love. As with the Harry Potter ones though, I won’t go over twenty if I can help it.
1. “Well don’t expect us to be too impressed, we just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear” -Mockingjay, Suzanne Collins
In books that are as dark and serious as Mockingjay, it’s good to have the occasional joke (where appropriate) to lighten the mood.
2. “Nice Socks” -Unwind, Neal Shusterman
You kind of need to read the book to know the context that this is used to get why it is funny, but it made me crack up when I read it in the book.
3. “Be careful, though.”
“Aren’t I always?”
“No, I think the word for how you usually are is ‘reckless.” -Insurgent, Veronica Roth
I love this, Four’s response to her is so blunt and truthful.
4. “We’ve all got weaknesses. Me, for instance. I’m tragically funny and good-looking” -The Mark of Athena, Rick Riordan
You can expect to see a lot more Rick Riordan quotes on this list! I love Leo Valdez (not quite as much as Percy but he comes close) and his sense of humour.
5. “Her name badge read: Hello my name is DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM” -The Son of Neptune, Rick Riordan
The Son of Neptune is one of my favourite books in The Heroes of Olympus series, andI love this scene with Percy and the Gorgons at the beginning, I found it hysterical.
6. “And when demigods use cell phones, the signals agitate every monster within a hundred miles. It’s like sending up a flare: Here I am! Please rearrange my face!” -The Last Olympian, Rick Riordan
What can I say, other than I love the humour in these books?
7. “Yeah, well. I don’t try to be awesome. It just comes natural” -The Lost Hero, Rick Riordan
I seriously want to try using this in my daily life at some point!
8. “One more lesson like that and I might just do a Weasley” -Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix
The scene where Fred and George leave Hogwarts is one of my favourites in this entire book.
9. “You know how teachers tell you the magic word is ‘please’? That’s not true. The magic word is ‘puke’. It will get you out of class faster than anything else.” -The Demigod Files, Rick Riordan
Okay, confession time, I haven’t actually read The Demigod Files, but I came across this whilst looking for quotes on Goodreads, and it made me crack up, so I felt like I had to include it.
10. “Is it true that you shouted at Professor Umbridge?”
“You called her a liar?”
“You told her He Who Must Not Be Named is back?”
“Have a biscuit, Potter.”
I think this scene is one of the reasons why I love McGongall so much. I wish it had been included in the movie.
11. “Let us find the dam snack bar,” Zoe said. “We should eat while we can.”
Grover cracked a smile. “The dam snack bar?”
Zoe blinked. “Yes. What is funny?”
“Nothing,” Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. “I could use some dam french fries.”
Even Thalia smiled at that. “And I need to use the dam restroom.”
I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at me. “I do not understand.”
“I want to use the dam water fountain,” Grover said.
“And…” Thalia tried to catch her breath. “I want to buy a dam t-shirt.” -The Titan’s Curse, Rick Riordan
I know I’ve used this before, but it’s one of my favourite jokes from Percy Jackson, and it’s kind of become an inside joke with me and my friend.
12. “Deadlines just aren’t real to me until I’m staring one in the face” -The Lightning Thief, Rick Riordan
I find this funny, plus very relatable because I have been known to procrastinate a lot!
13. “Holey? You have the the whole world of ear-related humor before you, you go for holey?”
―Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows, JK Rowling
The perfect response to a bad ear related joke.
14. “Oh well… I’d just been thinking, if you had died, you’d have been welcome to share my toilet.”
―Harry Potter and The Chamber Of Secrets, JK Rowling
This is really kind of more to do with the movie than the book, I found that scene in the movie so hilarious.
15. “I hope you’re pleased with yourselves. We could all have been killed – or worse, expelled. Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to bed.”
-Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, JK Rowling
This is one of my favourite quotes from Harry Potter, it never fails to make me laugh.
16. “Hercules,huh? Percy frowned. “That guy was like the Starbucks of Ancient Greece. Everywhere you turn–there he is.” -The Mark of Athena, Rick Riordan
I love this especially because it’s so true, you can go literally anywhere and find a Starbucks, plus the comparison to Hercules (arguably the most famous greek hero), just made me crack up.
17. “We’re not retreating, we’re advancing in reverse.’
― Playing With Fire, Derek Landy
Have I mentioned how much I love Skulduggery lately? This list would not have been complete without a funny quote from my favourite skeleton detective.
18. “They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit,” Valkyrie said.
China glanced at her. “They’ve obviously never met me.”
-Mortal Coil, Derek Landy
Again, I know I’ve used this one before, but I love it, the next time someone says that to me, I’m using China’s response!
19. “An untied shoelace can be dangerous,’ he said.
‘I could have tripped.’
She stared at him. A moment dragged by.
‘I’m joking,’ he said at last.
She relaxed. ‘Really?’
‘Absolutely. I would never have tripped. I’m far too graceful.”
-Playing With Fire, Derek Landy
Ah Skulduggery, how I love you! It’s a tight run contest between Skulduggery and Percy as to who I find funnier.
20. “If possible, try to avoid pushing each other over the edge, as that would cause me extra paperwork.”
― Rick Riordan, The Lost Hero
This literally reminds me of almost every school trip I’ve ever been on, the teachers always remind you not to do anything stupid because they don’t want to fill in an accident report form!
There are way more of these that I could have chosen, but I’m happy with the ones I did choose. I think I’m going to do a list of favourite Percy Jackson quotes at some point because there are a lot of great ones! Do you like any of these? Are there any quotes that make you laugh that you think I should have included? Let me know!
I will be back with another one of these next week, but tomorrow I will have another Friday Favourites for you, so make sure to check that out!